Thursday, March 18, 2010


March 18.
I have been dreading this day.
I should have been looking forward to today with excitement. I should be worried and excited about all the things that come with having a new baby. Instead, I'm feeling empty and so heartbroken that I don't get to be with my sweet baby girl who was born on October 23, 2009 at 20 weeks.

Ellie. Cory never liked that name, but I'm sure, had I been able to carry her to term, I would have talked him into it. We should be home together as a family. I should be deciding what darling little outfit to put her in today, and I should be stressed out, and loving every minute of it. I never thought this would happen to me.

I know many people who have lost a child and my heart aches for them. The devastation I feel at losing my baby is more that I can explain. I never got to know her, I don't know who she would have taken after, if she would have been stubborn & hardheaded (most likely), or if she would have been so sweet and calm. I don't know who she would have ended up looking like, and I don't know how our boys would have been with a little sister. (I'm guessing they would have loved her.) But she was my child. I loved her, and love her still. And on days like this, when a milestone comes along, I will miss her even more, and remember her, and wonder "what if". I hate that. I hate that I don't get to know, that I just have to speculate at how it could have been. So even though we didn't get time with her, in this life, she was mine, she was ours, and I can not wait until we can be together again.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Luke 1:70

Last week Cody brought home that little strip of paper from primary informing us that he had been asked to give the scripture in primary the following week. Seeing him with that little assignment was so exciting, and so heart wrenching at the same time. I was excited for Cody to be asked to do such a "big boy" thing, but it hit me that my baby is growing up way too fast!

Anyway, we worked on memorizing his scripture all week long, and Cody did an AWESOME job!

His scripture was Luke 1:70

As he spake by the mouth of his holy prophets, which have been since the world began.

When it was his turn to get up and give his scripture, he hopped right up to the podium, and said his scripture without any help from me! He knew it, and he was proud of it!

It translated in "Cody" to:

As he spake by the mowf of his holy prophet, which have been SINCE THE WORLD BEGAN

Wuke 1:70!

He looked darling, and his grandparents, along with his parents all came to watch him in all his glory! We were so proud of him, and can't believe how big our Codes is getting!

I made him pose for a picture in the hall after church so we could document this special occasion!

How cute is this little boy?
Good job Codes! We are so proud of you!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Wash the dishes...

My dishwasher does not work, so I have to wash my dishes by hand (hence the stacks of dishes!) this is not my favorite thing to do, but just because I don't like it doesn't mean Bo doesn't! In fact, I think it's his FAVORITE thing! As soon as the sink is full of soapy water, Bo is looking all over the house for the "perfect" things to put in the sink!

I am not kidding, his selection is a serious business! He picks things up, inspects them, and then either tosses them back in the toy bin, or runs into the kitchen to throw it in the sink! Of course, I tell him no, so now, when he's ready to throw something in, he turns me away from the sink, and pushes me all the way out of the kitchen then runs fast to hurry and throw his toy in the sink before I can stop him. The first time he did it, I had no idea what he was doing, it didn't take long to catch on to the not-so-sneaky little bugger, but he just makes me laugh, so I snuck around the other side of the kitchen, and took a picture of him in the act!

Hurrying to throw his toy in!

This one made him laugh out loud, like he was playing the BEST trick! Who would notice a Big Red Ball in the sink!?

I tried to get a close up of all the toys that have been thrown in. You can't see them very well with all the bubbles, but my sink was seriously full of toys!

Since this first time, he has actually gotten better at sneaking, and better at picking what he throws in so as not to let me know until it's time to rinse! So when I'm rinsing my dishes, I pull out mini dinosaurs, teenage mutant ninja turtle weapons, marbles, farm animals, and lately I'm finding screws and pennies! (I have no idea where those are coming from, but I have been looking for his stash!)

This kid just keeps me laughing. He is so naughty, but so cute it's hard to punish him for it! I love my little trickster!